The Outwits are now in Auckland

and that’s what The Sky Tower looks like when you drink too much!

The Outwits now have offices in Auckland and in Christchurch. Well, when we say offices we mean cafes and cell phones and internet access. But hey, that’s the digital age for you! We are really looking forward to working with a whole new bevy of clients who haven’t heard our jokes yet, or seen our impressive collection of human hair mustaches.

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Super altered egos


We’ve been doing so many rugby themed gigs recently (as well as the usual conference MC, dinner theatre work) that we’d forgotten there are still clients out there with a truly twisted sense of humour. Cue the lovely folk from Office Products Depot who flew us up to Auckland just to kick off their breakfast session… as Fat Bat Man and Super Tight Fit Man. So much lycra… so little coverage.

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Check out the pom poms on these lovely… um, ladies.

ASB Roadshow 2011

The theme was “Ready, Set, Win” and we put on our best sporty attire as conference MC’s. The thing about being really good event MC’s is keeping the audience guessing. Well, when we pulled out the cheerleader costumes, we really got them guessing. From Auckland to Hamilton through Wellington and Christchurch, we didn’t drop the ball once – if we had imagine the view they would have got.

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Why did the Mexican cross the road?


Murray and Archie, The MurrayArchies, helped the good folk of Auckland Transport & MADANT to promote road safety. “Check before you step” was the theme and we samba’d, we rumba’d, we shook our maracas at unsuspecting people as they made there way across the road. Mexican for breakfast, it’s makes the rest of your day so spicy.


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Now we know how the green pigs feel.


All of the Outwits are alive and well as can be expected after Tuesday’s 6.3 earthquake. As I lay quaking in my kitchen my mind turned, weirdly enough, to the angry birds game. I thought, “This must be what the pigs feel like when the ornithological hell comes raining down upon their structures,” as my fridge tried to fall on me.

Rikki, Andie, Jared and Greg all want to say thanks for the lovely words of support that we have received about the Complete History Of World Rugby’s (abridged season). We will be back with the show and hopefully even try and complete the season in the Daffodil Lawns.

Our thoughts go out to all who have lost loved ones. As the days go by, we realise just how close every one is in this town, and how much closer we have all become after Mother Nature tried to rip us all apart.

Keep smiling.


We broke down in front of 75,000 people.

The cast of “The Complete History Of World Rugby (abridged) got the chance to showcase a number from their new show at Classical Sparks. It was a rap about rucks and mauls called “breaking down the breakdown” and it went down like a cold beer on a Nor’west day. Reports are just reaching us now that some people actually got spontaneously pregnant just from watching Greg’s legs…

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We’re from Christchurch, so we know how to rock!


Vero threw some parties around New Zealand to tell their people they totally rock! We got to hang out with the guys from Op Shop and play a truck load of guitar hero. To really enhance my rock persona, I took twice my normal dose of hay fever medicine and snorted quite a lot of coke, but I think I prefer to drink it. The bubbles make you sneeze.

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Muchas Gracias and Good Night!

IAG & Vbase Mexican party nights

Dos Gringos have just finished a three night stint at the Christchurch Convention Centre. The clever folk at Vbase had decked out all three halls in a newly fabricated “South Of The Border” theme. The boys said it was just like walking in to the town of their birth… only inside and waaaay more Mexicannyer.

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Phil and Liz and Si and Gary


British royalty hung out with Christchurch royalty last night as we swapped corgi stories with More FM’s men in the morning. They are a lot more corporeal than they seem on the radio and though we’re not ones to gossip… we think Si might actually dye his hair. Unfortunately the second we brought up the word “Dye”, Liz threw a tiz and Camilla the Corgi nearly took Gary’s eye out…

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Those heads look good enough to kick

Because they are big and shaped like rugby balls.


Greg and Jared have been busy scribing The Outwits’ next play-in-the-park and it’s all about rugby to help kick off The 2011 World Cup. We have the CCC, the IRB and a few other acronyms behind us and it’s a bit exciting. Plus we can confirm there will be an appearance from Buck Shelford’s testicle at some point, and it will sing. Ah theatre… so classy.

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